It’s Mother’s day. A day that we celebrate the women around us who made us who we are. As I write this I am sitting at my desk, looking out the window at my birdfeeder. I’ve heard my backyard Cardinal singing since 4 am this morning and he has just blessed me with a short visit. Cardinals, they say, represent a deceased loved one, watching over you. Coincidence? I think not! Smiling, I wished him a Happy Mother’s Day and he flew away.

I’ve thought about my Mom a lot this week. The week leading up to Mother’s day and her birthday on May 12th is always a time for reminiscing and missing her. This year, I am trying something new- I am trying to not let grief rob me of celebrating how lucky I was to have the Mom that I did. So in that vein- these are some of the gifts that my Mama gave me…

Life- My Mom (and yes, my Dad) gave me this basic necessity- life! I almost didn’t put this on the list because, well, it is pretty self explanatory! But giving life and making a life are two different things.

My Mom’s life was hard. Anyone who knew her, knows this was her truth. She was a valiant fighter. No matter her situation, she always strived to make the best of things. No matter where we were living, she tried to make every home we lived in homey, whether that was a crappy old apartment in the oldest house in Prescott or a run down building in Brockville, she scrubbed and cleaned and hung up pretty curtains. One move to an apartment in Arnprior stands out. The two bedroom apartment was ok- run of the mill basics- white walls, closet sized kitchen and bathroom. The one feature Mom could not tolerate was the dingy, dirty, dark parquet flooring. It had seen a lot of wear and tear and it was clear that over the years, previous tenants had just waxed over the dinge. My Mom tackled that floor like the warrior woman she was. She scraped for weeks! Every slat on that floor got her full attention. She used a narrow one inch scraper until all that old grey buildup was gone and the golden floor shone through. It was spectular! Of course, within weeks, we were back living at Frank’s house and all that hard work had been for not but the image of her scraping that floor will stay with me forever. Her hard work was cathartic for her, I am sure, but it was also one of those teaching moments. I was in grade nine at the time and though I don’t remember my attitude then, I can imagine that it was one of indifference. However, watching her day after day taught me about perseverance, hard work and pride in the job you do.

Love- One of the best gifts that my Mom gave me- her “I love you”. The one thing I know for certain is that she loved me and I know this because she told me- every phone call, every good night as a child, every visit. If you take nothing else away from this post- take this: Tell them you love them! If today was your last day, would they know, down to their core, that you love them?

Laughter- My Mom had a great laugh! She had a self deprecating sense of humour and lots of her funny stories came from her adventures, most of which involved driving somewhere and getting lost. In her defense, it wasn’t always her that was driving. One Saturday, her and I set out on a girl’s day, heading to the Pickering Flea Market from our house in Peterborough. Anyone from Peterborough knows that this trip usually takes an hour at most. We were chatting and I was driving. It was a sunny warm day, perfect for a road trip, thankfully. We decided to take the ‘backroads’, the scenic route, Mom called it. After about 2 hours, it became clear that we were not moving in the right direction- we came to this small bridge (so narrow only one vehicle could cross it) where a sign indicated something about cyclists needing to dismount before proceeding onto said bridge. We decided to turn around! When we did, we began to notice signs that we hadn’t previously seen which announced our arrival at the Toronto Zoo! I guess we had been engrossed in conversation and I, our driver, had not really been paying attention! At this point in the trip, we were laughing so hard, we both had to pee. We still had no idea where the flea market was or how to get to Pickering for that matter. We decide to make a pit stop at the nearest Tim Hortons and ask for directions. Laughing heartily we make our way to the counter… I try to explain the situation to the young girl waiting to serve us. Mom starts to laugh again. This triggers me to start laughing again. We can’t speak at this point… the girl who obviously thinks we are on something, rolls her eyes. We start laughing harder! We look at one another, turn and run to the bathroom to try to compose ourselves. We never did make it to the flea market. I called Kevin eventually and got directions to return home!

I am also reminded of Mom and Aunt Lillian’s road trip to see Jill in Nova Scotia one summer. I have never laughed as hard as I have than any of the times that I have heard either of them recount this journey. Starts out with them deciding they are going to go via the US side. They end up going through the same boarder crossing, three times in the span of 30 minutes… driving in circles. The third time, the boarder agent tells them to get a map! The story is too long to retell here but suffice it say, they laughed long and hard during that trip!

Little Traditions- It’s the little things that make a Mother a Mom. Mom always tucked us in at night, with hugs and kisses- something I often think about now as I tuck my grandsons in when they are here for sleepovers. These small things stay with you! Mom always had new PJs for us to wear on Christmas Eve. I have no idea how she did that sometimes because I know money was tight in those days.

Family- Mom loved having family around her. When I was a child, she always made time for her parents and ensured we had a supportive circle of extended family. I remember large family gatherings at my Grandma’s house- Aunts, Uncles, Cousins. We would be sit around the big dining room table, play games, eat, drink and laugh. These memories bring me such joy and comfort now as most of these family members are no longer here.

This week, I got the pleasure of spending precious time with my Sister, Jill. She is one of the greatest gifts my Mom gave me. She is also a lovely reminder of my Mom – I look in her eyes and I see my Mom’s eyes looking back at me. I watch her hands in motion and I am reminded of my Mom’s hands. I hope that people also see and are reminded of my Mom when they look at me.

If you are lucky enough to have your Mom with you today, give her a hug and tell her how you feel. If, like me, your Mom is no longer here, honor her spirit today and hug someone else, show someone a kindness, nurture someone or something. Be grateful for life, love, and laughter!